Student Safety
Parents Still make the difference! (Middle School Edition) January
2003
Student Safety
Talk to Your Middle Schooler About Safety Concerns
Middle school children are becoming more independent. You may let them do
more without you than they did as elementary students. And as your child gains
new freedoms, it’s important that she also gain a stronger awareness about her
safety.
Your child will be safest if she:
- Sticks with a friend or a group when she’s not with a trusted
adult. If someone wants to harm a child, he is most likely to seek out a
child who is alone.
- Listens to her own feelings. If your child feels unsafe, tell her
she can call you for a ride home. If she is in a public place, tell her to
find a police officer or security guard.
- Is home, or is supervised, after dark. Far more crimes happen in
nighttime hours. Once evening comes, your child should be with you or in the
care of an adult you trust.
- Has friends who are about her age. A middle schooler who spends a
lot of time with high school students may find herself in situations she is
not mature enough to handle.
Have Fun, Improve Vocabulary With Family Games, Charades
By middle school, your child will encounter more complex and unusual words in
the books he reads. He’ll get more out of these books if he has a rich
vocabulary. One fun way to achieve this—and also to spend some family
time—is to play word games.
To build vocabulary skills, you can:
- Play a variety of games. If your family enjoys games, try Scrabble®,
Boggle®, Outburst®, Balderdash® or any game that requires players to come
up with words.
- Play charades. Choose a topic, such as careers, and act out words
that fit the topic. Encourage your child to come up with unusual words. For
example, use "professor" if he’s thinking "teacher" or
"physician" if he’s thinking "doctor."
- Arrange words in a certain order. Pick an idea, such as speed. Then
think of all the words you can that refer to speed in their meanings. For
example, slow, lethargic and rapid all refer to speed. Once you have your
words, rank them from one extreme to the other. In this example, you would
be ranking the words from the one that means "slowest," to the one
that means "fastest."
Discipline
Expect Your Middle Schooler to Respect Your Authority
At some point, your middle schooler will almost certainly challenge your
authority.
One good way to hold on to it is to make clear you won’t put up with
disrespect.
Win respect by:
- Never accepting mean words or an attacking tone of voice from your
child. No need to yell or punish. Simply look her in the eye and say,
"You may not talk to me that way. That was very disrespectful."
Then do not talk to your child again until she changes to respectful words
and a respectful tone of voice.
- Trusting your own judgment. If your child wants to go to a concert
and you feel she is simply too young, don’t argue with her. Say, "I
know you’re disappointed, but my mind is made up." Then stand firm.
- Correcting your child in private—not in front of her friends.
- Displaying common courtesies to your child. Say, "please"
and "thank you." Listen when your child talks.
- Following through on rules. If you say, "No TV before
homework," be consistent in enforcing the rule.
- Giving respect in return. If your child has never given you a
reason not to trust her, don’t go snooping in her room or listening to her
phone calls. Honor the privacy she has earned.
Encouraging Writing
Persuasive Letters Can Build Thinking and Writing Skills
The next time your child makes a request, don’t just say no or yes. Ask him
to put his request in writing.
Have him say what he wants and why. Tell him to address objections he thinks
you might have. This will boost your child’s thinking and writing skills.
Parent Quiz
Are You Encouraging Healthy Habits in Your Child?
Take this quiz to check if you’re encouraging healthy habits.
Give yourself five points for something you do often, zero points for
something you never do—or any score in between.
___1. I help my child stick to a regular bedtime.
___2. I provide breakfast for my child each morning.
___3. I encourage my child to eat nutritious snacks, including fruits and
vegetables.
___4. I remind my child that smoking and substance abuse will hurt his health
and ability to learn.
___5. I encourage my child to have an outlet for stress, such as calling a
friend or going for a walk.
How did you score?
A score of 20 points or higher means you are strongly promoting healthy
habits for your child at home. Fifteen to 19 is average. Below 15? Check the
quiz for some suggestions on how to help your child maintain healthy habits.
Questions & Answers
Q: My daughter made some New Year’s
resolutions. They include improving her grades and making new friends. She’s
set goals before. But nothing usually changes or happens. What can I do?
A: This is very common. The problem is, children
don’t form detailed plans to reach their goals. Or their plans aren’t
realistic. Middle schoolers are often impulsive. They don’t think things
through.
To help your daughter turn dreams into reality, teach her these steps to
planning:
1. Define the real goal. Identify the specific skill needed to get the
improved grade.
2. Think of sequenced steps for meeting the goal. What will she do first,
second, etc.?
3. Think about timing. When is the best time to carry out the steps? How
long will each step take? When would it be too late to take certain steps?
(For example, waiting until the night before a school paper is due to do
research.)
4. Put the steps on a calendar. When will she do what? What days and times?
How often? For how long?
5. Consider possible obstacles. What might get in the way? How might she
remove or go around these roadblocks?
6. Revise the plan as needed. Make changes when something doesn’t work.
Kids don’t become fully self-directed until later adolescence. So guide
your daughter’s planning.
Verify that the plan is practical, but don’t get caught up in the details.
It’s important that she feel it’s her plan and that she can carry it out.
She’ll feel more in control and less stressed. And you’ll feel less stressed
too.
By Luann Fulbright, The Parent Institute
Physical Development
Don’t Let Your Child Fall Into the ‘Couch Potato’ Category
Elementary school children often play outside after school. But middle
schoolers are much more likely to turn on the TV or computer or pick up the
phone. That translates into a lot more time spent sitting than moving. And once
they begin, these sedentary habits are hard to break.
Keep your child physically active by:
- Helping her build exercise into her day. For example, your child should
not sit inside while you unload groceries from the car. Call her out to
carry some bags. And unless you fear for her safety, there’s no need to
drive her home from a bus stop half a block from your door. She can walk.
- Taking walks together. Bundle up after dinner and take a brisk stroll.
It’s a great chance to talk, too.
- Having a fitness competition. Start weekly exercise logs, one for you and
one for her. Have her keep track of exercise time, in minutes, for both of
you. At the end of the week, see who has logged the most exercise time. If
you do, she does an extra chore. If she does, she gets an extra privilege,
such as staying up later on the weekend.
Making Decisions
Preteens Are Ready to Figure Out Some Things on Their Own
When your child was younger, you made nearly all the important decisions for
him. But now that he is in middle school, it’s time to pull back a little bit.
Now is the time for your child to begin using the lessons you’ve taught him to
make decisions.
Guide your child toward making good decisions by:
- Encouraging him to tell you what he thinks. Listen respectfully and ask
questions. "Why do you think that?" "What do you think would
happen if you did that?" Don’t criticize. Your goal is to help him
look at things from different angles.
- Letting him know you trust him. If your child is still running to you to
solve his every problem, start shifting some of the responsibility back to
him. "I really believe that you can come up with some good ideas for
working this out. Why don’t you think about it for a little while? Then we
can talk about some of your ideas."
Talking and Listening
Teach Your Child That Listening is More Than Hearing
Good learners don’t just listen when the teacher is speaking. They listen
actively, involving more senses than just hearing.
To help your child be an active listener, encourage him to:
- Keep his eyes on the teacher. That doesn’t mean he can’t blink
once in awhile. But other than that, he’ll take in the most information if
he’s watching his instructor—not the action going on in the back of the
room or out in the hallway.
- Take notes. No need to write down every word. But when he hears a
clue phrase, such as "a key part," he should write down what
follows. Teachers use phrases like this introduce important information.
- Raise his hand when he doesn’t understand. When good listeners
get confused, they wait for the teacher to pause and then ask her to explain
more about what she just said. If your child waits too long, he could
completely miss important concepts.
- Remove himself from other sensory distractions. Your child may not
be able to listen well if he is distracted by other students. If this is a
problem, talk with his teacher about finding a solution.
Working With Your School
Begin the New Year With Calls to Check on Your Child’s Progress
The first half of your child’s school year has already flown by. Now is the
time to check with teachers to make sure she’s on track to finish the school
year in the best way she can.
It’s time-consuming to do this in middle school, when your child may have a
half-dozen teachers. But putting in those calls will pay off for both you and
your child.
Some things to check with teachers at this time:
- Homework. Is your child doing the right amount? Turning it in on
time? Any tips the teacher wants you to pass along to your child?
- Attitude in class. Does your child generally pay attention? Is she
respectful? Are there any social issues to talk about?
- Motivation. Does your child appear to be an eager learner? Does she
actively participate in class?
- Performance. Does your child need extra help in this subject? How
about enrichment?
- Long Range Plans. What tests will be coming up? What projects will
be assigned?
- How you can help. What can you do at home to help your child do
better in school?
Reinforcing Learning
Asking What & Why Focuses Middle Schoolers for Learning
Children need to understand what they’re doing in school . . . and why.
Encourage your child to consider the content of each class (what), and the
purpose of learning it (why).
Also encourage your child to start each assignment with a little warm up.
Have him ask himself:
- "What am I going to do?" For instance, "I’m going to
compare these two things."
- "Why am I doing it?" "I want to determine which would be a
better choice as far as price and quality." "I want to see which
chemical combination creates the desired reaction."
Have him keep asking these questions as he completes an assignment. He’ll
have a better understanding of the lesson.