Parents Still make the difference! (Middle School Edition) February 2003

Individual Articles (scroll down for Entire Issue in PDF)

• Hands-On, Everyday Activities Build Middle School Math Skills
• Take Action If Your Child Consistently Forgets Homework
• Parents Should Set Limits On Middle School Relationships
• Promote Kindness, Concern For Others
• Are You Helping Your Child Develop Responsibility?
• Questions & Answers
• Is Your Listening Style Keeping Your Child From Talking To You?
• Backpacks, Computer Screens Can Cause Unhealthy Slouch
• Sports Stories Can Motivate Middle School Boys to Read
• Take The Hassle Out Of Getting Your Children To Finish Chores
• Speak Positively About Your Child’s School Experience

Hands-On, Everyday Activities Build Middle School Math Skills

Educators say hands-on activities such as games, counters and other "manipulatives" are the best way for middle schoolers to learn math.

Parents of middle schoolers can help teach math concepts at home in these ways:

• Graphs and tables. Ask your child to tell you about the weather. What do the graphs, charts and tables on TV and in the newspaper reveal?
• Word problems. Have your child help you with everyday word problems. Figure how much punch to make for a party of 20. Divide candy among goody bags for a birthday. Work within an allotted budget for buying groceries.
• Measurements. Show your child how to build things: tiny wooden sailboats, birdhouses, forts and furniture. Make models and sew. Weigh and measure.
• Fractions. Get your child in the kitchen. Ask her to half, double and triple recipes.
• Probability and estimating. Take your child grocery shopping with you. Let her estimate how much your total bill will be. How much will the sales tax add to the purchase? What will your change be?

Homework

Take Action If Your Child Consistently Forgets Homework

Middle school children are commonly forgetful. And one of the things they often forget is homework. The textbook doesn’t make it out of the locker. The assignment sheet stays on the bus. Whatever it is, there’s no need to get angry. But you need to correct the problem now.

Consider following these steps:

1. Contact teachers of classes where finishing homework has been a problem for your child. Tell the teachers you would like to know what the assignments are, at least for awhile.
2. Establish study hours at home. If your child forgets to bring homework home, he still has to practice math problems or write essays during study hours.
3. Notice when your child does bring homework home and gets it done. "You finished your homework. I appreciate your hard work."
4. Give an incentive. Talk about a reward with your child. Pick one you both agree on. It could be making his favorite dinner or seeing a movie together. Set a time limit, perhaps two weeks. If homework is done every day during that time, he has earned the reward.

Coping With Middle-Schoolers

Parents Should Set Limits On Middle School Relationships

"He’s my second boyfriend this year," you overhear your 11-year-old daughter say to a friend.

Boyfriend! What? When did your middle-schooler begin dating? It surprises parents that kids are getting romantic earlier than ever before. Thankfully, most of these relationships last only a short time. But parents should consider how best to handle them.
These tips will help:

• Discourage actual dating. Your child may protest this rule. But on the inside, she’s probably relieved.
• Encourage group activities. This is a safer way for your child to get to know members of the opposite sex. Sports events, school dances and group skating activities are fun and safe.
• Allow phone calls. Many early dating relationships consist mostly of phone conversations. Permit these calls, but set reasonable limits on phone time.
• Beware of age differences. Age gaps of more than a year or two may be too much. Couples who aren’t close in age should always be supervised.
• Limit social activities. They shouldn’t interfere with your child’s responsibilities and hobbies. Schoolwork and family come first.
• Know your child’s friends. Encourage your child to invite her group of friends to your home.

Building Social Skills

Promote Kindness, Concern For Others

Middle school is prime time for children to become part of cliques, sets or certain crowds. Whatever you call them, some children end up feeling left out.

If your child is part of a social group, remind her what it feels like on the other side. Stress to her often that she needs to be polite and kind to everyone, not just her circle.

Parent Quiz

Are You Helping Your Child Develop Responsibility?

Responsible students are more likely to do well in school. Take this quiz to see if you’re fostering a sense of personal responsibility in your middle schooler.

Give yourself five points for something you do often, zero points for something you never do—or any score in between.

___1. I expect my child to care for his bedroom and belongings.

___2. I encourage my child to use calendars and planners to track his schedule and assignments.

___3. I encourage my child to start large assignments early.

___4. I teach my child how to be responsible with money.

___5. I require my child to pitch in with a few weekly chores.

How did you score?

A score of 20 points or higher means you are doing a lot to raise a responsible child. Fifteen to 19 is average. Below 15? Use the ideas in the quiz to encourage your child to be responsible.

Questions & Answers

Q: My son said he was doing fine in school. Then we got his report card. He wasn’t! He’s also lied about not having homework. How can I encourage more honesty?

A: When kids lie about or avoid a subject, it’s usually because they’re worried something bad will happen. They want to avoid your criticism and displeasure.

So a first step might be to do some self-reflection. Ask yourself:

• Are my rules too strict? Is my punishment too harsh?
• Do I expect more than my son can do?
• Do I emphasize grades and achievement too much?
• Am I too quick to blame and criticize?
• Do I tell my son, "I’ll never punish you as long as you tell me the truth"?

Your son might also be like many middle schoolers who don’t want to talk about or confront problems. To get your son to address the problem he’s having:

• Establish an alliance. Emphasize we, not you. "We need to try to solve this problem."
• Don’t insist on eye contact. To think clearly, most kids need to look away.
• Pause often. When kids are anxious, their thinking slows. They need time to respond honestly and thoughtfully.
• Ask what your son is worried about. Punishment? Is he overwhelmed? Feeling incapable?
• Give reassurance. Say he’s not the only one who has had such a problem.
• Provide hope. "You’ve done good schoolwork in the past. Let’s figure out what the problem is now."
• Help your son think about solutions. Don’t take over and insist on certain steps.

Talking & Listening

Is Your Listening Style Keeping Your Child From Talking To You?

Middle schoolers often complain, "My parents never listen to me!"

And when they truly believe this, kids stop talking to their parents. "Why bother?" they think.

To really listen to your child, you have to pay attention. You can’t be one of these:

• Mind reader. Instead of listening, you’re wondering, "What is my child really thinking or feeling?"
• Rehearser. You’re focused only on what you’re going to say next.
• Filterer. You hear only what you want to hear.
• Dreamer. You often drift off. Then find yourself saying, "What did you say, honey?" "Could you repeat that?"
• Identifier. You’re so busy relating everything your child says to your own experience, you miss much of what’s said.
• Comparer. You’re so focused on assessing your child, you miss the message.
• Derailer. You’re too quick to change the subject. So your child thinks you’re not interested in what she wants to talk about.
• Discounter. You hear what’s said, but you belittle it. You might say, "Oh, that’s not so bad."
• Placater. You agree with what your child says just to be nice or avoid conflict. This isn’t real communication.

Physical Development

Backpacks, Computer Screens Can Cause Unhealthy Slouch

If your child is in puberty, her bones may be growing ahead of her muscle system’s ability to support them. The result: slouching.

If your child slouches, help her stand and sit a little straighter by:

• Checking her backpack. Is the weight enough to make you buckle under? Then it’s probably too much on a growing back. Find out if she really needs all that stuff. Get rid of what you can.
• Checking her work station. Is your child’s computer screen adjusted for her height? If not, she is likely to do a lot of leaning forward. Make the necessary adjustments.
• Encouraging physical activity. It’s the best way to make muscles stronger. And as they get stronger, they will provide better support.

Encouraging Reading

Sports Stories Can Motivate Middle School Boys To Read

Many middle schoolers would say they prefer sports to reading. If your child would agree, remember that it’s possible to combine the two. The result can be a child who reads more often because he likes the reading material

Jim Trelease, author of The Read-Aloud Handbook, is one expert who is strongly in favor of sports reading. He especially suggests it as a way to interest boys, since surveys show they spend less time reading for pleasure than girls.

You can:

• Put the sports page of your newspaper in front of your child during breakfast or his
  after-school snack.
• Ask your librarian to recommend some good sports authors. Help your child find them in the library.
• Pick up a copy of a sports magazine for your child.

Building Responsibility

Take The Hassle Out Of Getting Your Children To Finish Chores

Some parents think getting their kids to do chores is more trouble than it’s worth. First they need to think about what needs to be accomplished and assign the chores. Then they may have to nag or negotiate to get them finished.

Pinellas Park, Florida, reader Julie Poth found a great solution. It’s taught her six children responsibility, as well as problem-solving skills.

Start by thinking about chores only once. Make a list of every possible chore. Put a line next to each chore. Make multiple copies of the list.

Each morning, check off which chores need to be done that day. Then let your kids put their names beside two chores they will do that day before watching TV or playing.

The idea is to let them work out who will do what.

Tell your kids they can also make "deals" with each other. If one has basketball practice today, another can do her chores. Then she can do the other child’s chores when he has something else to do.

Poth says this system works well. But you have to expect chores to be done. Don’t nag. And be consistent in enforcing penalties.

Motivating Your Child

Speak Positively About Your Child’s School Experience

Too often, talking about your child’s education is like talking about health. Nothing is said unless something is wrong! Try turning that around. Make it a point to praise your child for good work and enthusiasm whenever you can. It’s a great way to motivate her to do her best at school.

Other ways to inspire your child:

• Expect her best. If you are satisfied with half an effort, your child will be too. Some children need extra help. If your child does, talk to her teachers and take steps to get it for her.
• Give extra comfort during hard times. This is hard to do when a family is having problems, but it is necessary for children. Each day, reassure your child that you love her, you appreciate her and you’re working to make things better.
• Praise her teachers and school. If you have complaints, take them to school officials. Keep things positive in front of your child. If she doesn’t feel that you support her school, she may not see a reason why she should like it either.